Swimming in intuition

TEARS AND LAUGHTER My first job was in a restaurant. I was 13 years old. My mother and Grandmother worked in restaurants my whole life, so I spent a good amount of time in them. I had always known it wasn't for me. Although I spent years and years going from one restaurant to another, thinking it was going to maybe be better. The one thing I have to say Im grateful for through everything, is my opportunity to see all different types of people. Learning how to deal with different personalities. And not taking everything so personal. Learning to stay calm in situations when you really don't want to. How to interact with people and build relationships.  Last month, I was presented the oppertunity to work for a start up company doing record reviews. This alone, I can't even begin to express how thankful I am. I work with two people who I already feel at home with. They have been so welcoming,  and I truly feel the woman I work with was put in my life at...

My Plan A.  I've been working my tale off. Spending my days in school with a career of Interior Design in mind. While working doing the opposite, sitting in an office, recruiting physicians and attorneys for medical record reviews. All while  raising my baby boy, who's not so much a baby anymore. I've been blessed in so many ways but now I am ready to take a risk and start a new adventure. My heart has been pulling me towards something and somewhere else my whole life and now I can make sense of it all. I am finally mentally, financially, and physically prepared to jump on that plane and head to Bali, Indonesia.  Growing up, I always had a pretty intense and hectic aura coming from and surrounding me. I never knew how to deal with my emotions or emotions of others around me. As I grew older, I had found understanding in my surroundings. Or at least started to. I wanted peace to come from within me. I wanted to radiate happiness. I never wanted to live a norm...

Your future self is watching you right now through memories I would like to be known as an intelligent woman, a courageous woman, a loving woman, a woman who teaches by being.     I am going to make a very beautiful life for myself, no matter what it takes.                You're the pain, and you're the cure.  You and I rest together in a weird state of conciousness.

I have passion for a deranged sense of life.  Ever since I was a young girl I've made a pretty weird life for myself. Anything abnormal, weird or out of the ordinary attracts me like the plague. I like to distract my mind with thoughts of soulmates, astrology, ghosts, aliens, true love or anything that makes life more interesting.  I often feel I don't belong in this state of being. I live for the possibilities of different dimensions or an afterlife. Hoping it will all have a better, consistent feeling of happiness, as apposed to this life. I daydream. I am an ultimate dreamer. My dreams change every single day or even by the minute. I have visions of being an actress to portray all the beings of my bipolar self. I have dreams to help people in ways I wish someone could have helped me. I have dreams of being intimatly loved and vice versa. I have dreams of having many children, whether birthed by me or another, and giving them a life i've never seen. I have ...

   "And I realize that no matter where I am, whether in a little room full of thought, or in this endless                           universe of stars and mountains, its all in my head." - Jack Kerouac      Me? What do I take for granted? Hmm... Well the sad truth is, a lot.         I have so many beautiful people around me. Those of whom would go to the ends of the earth in order to make sure I am ok. I have a beautiful, healthy, growing baby boy who has given me purpose. I have eyes that can read novels of fantasies and imagination, I have a tongue that can taste the fruit of the earth, I have ears that can listen to the thundering waves of the ocean, I have fingers that are tender to the touch. I am gifted beyond measure.   Open the door and let it in, the beauty of the         world filling the hollow within.   ...

What am I focusing on? Hard to say when I feel so empty. This week has been full of panic attacks and staring at a wall, with the same song on repeat. It seems to be the only thing managing to give me a wave of emotion. Sitting deep in thought, I realize he made me think too much of the past and so much of the future. I was never in the now.  I want to tell him everyday that I love him, though when I pick up my phone my hands begin to tremble because my soul knows he's no good for me. This feeling won't go away it hovers over me. Stuck in a bubble of breathless air. I feel so still but not at ease.  I need you with me and that confuses me. The vision of you vanished in what seemed like a matter of moments. I keep reaching out.  Having your whole life ripped out from underneath you is so devastatingly beautiful. Coming from a rough place, trying to find my place.  Don't get lost.  Don't get lost in the emptines...