Truth Behind The Disguise

    During high school I was never a part of the “popular group”. I was known as the one to run away to my car right after school and not really speak to anyone. But that was soon about to change. It was summer of 2011. I was 18 years old and ready to take on the world… or so I thought. I met Michael at a point where my life started to shift. I was craving attention and I guess to be part of the “cool crowd”. I wanted to experience life on the edge and Oh boy was he edgy. His neck tattoos drew to me, this savage skateboarder involved in a world I had never known but was divining full force into.

His recklessness was a hidden part of me. I always wanted to act upon it but never had the heart to until this madness started pouring out of me. It wasn’t long before we spent every day together. Going to parties and being on the arm of someone so desired. I started drinking all night, making friends and being social, something that was so foreign to me. It was a false perception of being well liked. Though this time wouldn’t last long because soon to find out I was pregnant.

We both had agreed on going into this together. Soon after we were engaged and planning our future. Our relationship stemmed from no clarity or understanding of each other. I spent 9 months and two years after that, wondering why this man who supposedly loves me was coming home with lipstick on his neck? Why he’d be missing all night? Why he spoke to me the way he did? A relationship not only filled with emotional abuse but physical abuse. How someone could be so cruel and do unimaginable things to tear down my soul. I was now at the lowest point of my life. Someone who had no heart was tearing me down repeatedly.


I was now a 21-year-old single mother. No career, no friends, no guidance, and little faith.  I had never felt so alone. I spent nights crying on the bathroom floor with a bottle of whiskey wondering how I had got here. How I let this happen, not only to me but also this life I brought into the world. Little did I know the chain of events that god had in store for me. I’ve been on a spiritual journey. The people I’ve come across and the experiences that I’ve had, only come to prove that every situation I have been in was exactly where I was suppose to be. I started to realize that people are always coming and going and you have to take what you can from them and move forward. You learn from them. You grow in ways you may not understand at the time but when you let that pain blossom you find freedom. And that’s exactly what I found.

Comments

  1. Prof. JeglinskiFebruary 20, 2018 at 3:59 PM

    Charlene,

    Great post. This is a very well-written story. It walks a fine line between a short story and a diary entry. Your provide the imagery and details that draw the reader in. The reader is there with you at that party. Then, you also provide the emotional toll, the pain, the and the honest reflection. It's a good balance that keeps the reader involved, incorporated, and interested.

    You have lots of great lines. I like how you phrased "tear down my soul", to ensure to the reader that the abuse was lasting and deep.

    This is surely a tough tale. But the resilience that you end with is the silver lining. You made decisions, got lost, and are now finding your path again. That's the amazing part. Through all of this chaos and confusion, you have yet to fall down or give up. You seem to be springing back. That's the point. Once you experience the lows of hitting rock bottom, it's less scary each time in life when things go back down. You know now that you will bounce back - maybe even stronger, wiser, and better for it all. And into something surprisingly new, joyful, and beautiful.

    Even further than you previously imagined.

    Excellent work. I have two points of suggestion: first, there are no images in your post. Please be sure to add pictures, images, symbolism - visual cues that enhance your story and design.

    Also, I really like your final paragraph. It contains the lesson you learned. But what is missing is the now - be specific about what you are up to now - what real life shift you've made, an update on the child, anything that offers an example of the steps you've taken in this newfound understanding/perspective/second chance.


    GR: 92

    ReplyDelete

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